Monday, November 29, 2010

Days Going Downstream

Laid Off Day 19-ish

It's alarming to me the way the days are going by. Time is dripping like water out of my hands and flowing away into a whole river of yesterdays, and making me feel like a wastrel.

It's hard to believe that it's been nearly three weeks since I stopped working, and I STILL don't have the spices alphabetized, the grout cleaned or the leaves raked up (okay listen, the leaf people aren't coming till DECEMBER 29 - I have lots of time to get that done, really I do. They aren't going anywhere, except maybe over onto the neighbours' driveways...). And I still haven't lost that "five pounds in a hurry" that I was going to get on right away (made four kinds of shortbread last week - kind of counterproductive to the weight loss effort).

The awareness of time's relentless flow only really comes when there is an abundance of it. When I am busy,  I don't worry so much about time, except that there never seems to be enough, so I just do what I can with what little I have. But now there is a big river of time before me,  and if I don't DO something real with it, it will just dribble away.

I guess that's why we're all about the to-do lists and the calendars  - anything to containerize our time - to create and preserve an illusion that we have some mastery over its inevitable flow downstream.

So today I'm going to write down a bunch of things to do, and then I'll climb out from under the duvet and actually attempt a couple of them.

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