Start the Resolution Without Me...no, wait!

Can't help it; I'm compelled to make resolutions at every socially-mandated opportunity there is to make some sort of positive change.  So this year I'm going to write (see yesterday) and read more, watch less TV, keep my floors clean and the laundry caught up.  Big change here for me; for once I'm not attempting to reinvent my entire home life - just identifying the trouble spots and taking them on.  I'll also continue the progress I've made in easing off on the consuming and the associated de-cluttering/downsizing.

And oh yes,  plan to lose about 50 pounds (30 of which I gained in the last year).

The weight loss thing grows so very tiresome, but it has to be done.  I'm completely out of pants that fit and refuse to buy more; and my feet and knees are really starting to feel it.  Like prescription-strength anti-inflammatories feeling it...  I'm too young for that, and I'm too committed to the idea of not buying bigger pants when I have so many decent pairs standing by. I must do this.

I'll share the details of my plan and progress once I get them hammered out and figure out a way to share that won't cause random blog passersby to roll their eyes and/or pass out from the very tedium of it all.

Oh yeah, John T. Meldrum, if you are reading this, know that I also resolve to be kinder to you this year; and to (if you'll forgive the expression) lean in instead of pulling away when things get tough.

Once More Onto the Wagon

So the healthy eating and exercise wagon keeps driving around me and around me, waiting for me to hop back on.  Instead, I keep chugging over to the fridge to get more ice cream.
Before Thanksgiving and the quarterly MIL visit, I had it all nailed down - counting points, getting to the gym at least a couple of times a week - pointedly ignoring the bowl of jujubes at Reception (okay I don't even LIKE them, particularly.  Except last week when I could not get enough of them and looked for excuses to walk past the desk to pick up gummy black witches and orange pumpkins - what?), and I turned my nose up so nicely at the cake she schlepped all the way from Winnipeg.  I made healthy choices when we went out to eat..

And then - poof - Thanksgiving Day came and I went a little crazy.  And I've been on some sort of eating bender and exercise avoidance kick ever since.

Granted we went from a very stressful period at work, to back-to-school, to one kid's birthday, to the other kid's birthday, to Thanksgiving (which  very interestingly combined a visit from MIL with JTM completing his first half marathon). And no sooner was John's mom on the plane and the turkey carcass in the freezer, when we opened our home for a week to a lovely teenage girl from Japan.  Oh, and in the middle of all this was my doctor telling me that the "heartburn" I've been experiencing was much more likely to be gallbladder-related.  And then there were the parent-teacher interviews for both boys.  Don't even want to talk about those....

So I missed a few weigh-ins, and a lot of workouts, and I (apparently) decided to nuture myself with anything I could shove into my mouth.  Cause even after all these years, and all the self-awareness I claim to have, I still haven't grasped the concept that food is actually fuel: it's not love, it's not comfort, and it most definitely is not medicine.

But today, like all days, is a chance to make a new beginning, or to just get back to things.  So I've found an unused Weekly Tracker, slotted a visit to the gym into my schedule for the day, and I'm climbing off the crazy eating train and back on the healthy living wagon.  And I've committed to working my way up to running for 20 minutes straight by December 31st.  I was supposed to be at my goal weight by then too, but that's looking a little less likely at the moment. 

One day, soon, I want to start focusing the blog more on things other than my personal quest to lose weight and and get fit- it's really getting old!  And I have much more interesting things to share, I'm sure.

Wired for Stuff

A couple of days ago I posted about learning not to consume for sport, and mentioned that I'd been redirecting my consumer impulses towards eating.

Yup, after today's weigh in (my first in three weeks, but that's another post for another day), I find that I'm up five - FIVE - freaking pounds.  Dang!  I am basically back to where I was in May.  Basically I haven't lost any weight for five months.  Amazing how I can pretend to everyone that I'm actually on the Weight Watchers program.

But enough of that - I'm back at it, starting right now.  Goal weight of 155 by December 31! It's just all getting a little old.  Yes, it's a journey and bla bla bla - but I'm sorry, it's not just a journey for its own sake - I've been in this to get to a certain weight and - damn it - I must get there before I run completely out of gas.

All the .69 cans of tuna I bought on sale at Zellers yesterday are really gonna help.  And there was a great deal on shampoo (especially since I had COUPONS) and laundry soap and juice boxes and cereal and items for Cam's birthday next weekend....

Clearly I still have a lot to learn about consuming. Realized today that learning about "enough" was a resolution for me this year. And I am  learning.  Hey, it's a journey.

Almost (but not quite) Summer

So here we are in June - hard to believe how long it's been since I last posted. May was a very up-and-down (or more like down-and-up) month.  Early on, I found myself very focused, both on the eating and the exercise, trying to keep my attention focused away from incredibly stressful waiting for biopsy results (but YAY, YAY, YAY! I don't have thyroid cancer!!!).  And then a weird downer that should have been crazy relief and dancing-for-joy, but after holding my breath for two long weeks, I just felt deflated (and perhaps a little oxygen-deprived).

And then John's mom showed up for her quarterly visit - always stressful - always a disruption to the routine.  And always, always an extraordinary challenge for me when it comes to food and eating.  First there's the giant suitcase o' junk food, then there's the eating out, and finally there's the part where I medicate the mother-in-law visit stress, frustration, incredulousness, etc., with the aforementioned suitcase contents.And I never seem to get much better at dealing with it.

So I'm up a few pounds in the last two weeks - back up to 173.  And that's okay - I can own that.  Some new woman working the scale at Weight Watchers tonight looked at me and said, ever-so-earnestly, "How can we help you?"  And my response was equally earnest, "You help just by being here."  So corny, but so true.  I really do lose my way when I don't show up for Weight Watchers meetings.


Oh yeah, go me- TOOT! TOOT! It was Bike to Work Week last week, and I made the 13 km round trip three times on my GREAT new bike.  Such a difference to be lighter, both me AND my wheels.  And I hit the gym twice last week too.  I gave my Bike to Work t-shirt to Cam; he rode EVERY day - so proud of him!

Boot Camp Comes to a Less Than Spectacular Finish

How easily it can all come off the rails - something I've learned the hard way, and KEEP learning the hard way.  Always the hard way, over and over again.

Well April Boot Camp wasn't a huge success - despite the big 10K event that I was all ablog about - I really didn't spend much time at the gym, or out walking - and the eating was just a little out of control.  Admittedly there was a lot going on at work and home- I didn't even make it to Weight Watchers last week, but seriously that's no excuse.  I have to just own this.

Here's the tale of the tape:
Chest 40
Waist 36
Hips 44.5
Thigh 25
Weight 176
If there was any progress, I'd have to describe it as "glacier-like".  Note  the new "wider" jeans image.  Interesting, I pretty much doubled the width of the image and that body is STILL hot in those pants. A lesson to be learned.
But it's May now, a brand new month and time for a brand new challenge. JTM asked me this morning (after informing me that today was NOT the last day of April, but rather the FIRST day of May - I'm posting this a few days late) what my goal for May was.  I quickly made some silly story up about eating less and exercising more, whereupon he reminded me that those weren't actually GOALS.  I'm doing those things: eating less and exercising more, under the super-contrived theme for the month of  "May, More or Less" - but my actual GOAL is to weigh the same as I did at the end of May 2003, when I rocked the scale at 168.  That, and wear those white jeans out to the premiere of Sex and the City 2, at the the end of the month - cause I don't think I'll be striding around in them next weekend  (Man, Mother's day is damn early this year!)

Bootcamp Week 1 Results

So I'm a week into the April bootcamp in which I plan to lose massive amounts of weight and inches, and the results are less than spectacular.  I'm down a whole pound to 176, and the measurements are just wonky: 41, 37, 46.  Basically everythings half an inch bigger than a week ago.  PFFFT!  I can't expect real results if I don't put in real effort.  I feel like I'm back on track now - three days properly following Weight Watchers, and I'm 3 for 3 in excercise (twice to gym and a big walk yesterday).  Admittedly it was a rough week last week: we weren't sleeping much on account of the rats, and suddenly there was chocolate and hollandaise sauce everywhere due to it being Easter and all.  And the weather SUCKED!  But all that is past me now and I'm moving on.

What I cannot figure out is why it's so damned hard to RUN!  I feel like I've been working away at it for MONTHS and I seem to make no progress - I still cannot get much past the two minute mark without bonking - heartrate in the 170s, gasping for air, legs failing me.  I look around me at other people on the treadmills: old, young, svelte, chubby, whatever, and they seem to just glide along at a 5 or 6 mph, whereas it's an epic struggle for me.  I had the asthma test a few weeks ago, in hopes that we'd discover that a few puffs of the inhaler was all that's been standing between me and my running career all this time.  But no, just some very, very vague hint that there might be some very, very mild something (or nothing at all).  The doc seemed to think we could leave it at that. 

And so it goes, going nowhere two minutes at a time.  On the plus side (cause there just always has to be one), I know that the exercise is helping me lose weight and improving my health and fitness level, even I'm not seeming to much better at running.

Boot Camp Starts Now!

April Freaking Fools! Somehow I managed to convince myself that I was losing weight, when the truth is  I am actually up about five pounds since Christmastime.  How dare I pass myself off as a successful Weight Watcher!

So with the goal of wearing the pair of kick-ass white hiphugger jeans I got last year (size 12, a size I've NEVER been - I went straight from girls' 14 to ladies' 14) to celebrate Mother's Day this year (Oh yes, I've got BIG plans to stain them with barbeque sauce and red wine), today I begin a month-long diet and fitness boot camp. 

Here are my stats today:

• Chest: 40"
• Waist 36.5
• Hips 45.5
• Thigh (left) 25
• Weight 177

By month's end my weight should be in the 160's and I should be an inch and a half smaller in the chest and hips, and three inches smaller in the waist. I'll let the thighs do what they will.

I'll post my progress each week and talk about the things I've been doing (or not doing).  On the 22nd of this month is the TC 10k, which I've walked the last two years.  This year I plan to run at least part of it, a minute at a time, and finish in 1:40, so I'll need to do quite a bit more walk-running over the next few weeks.  10k is actually a bit of a distance and, even though I've done it twice with little or no training, I really took it at a leisurely pace, finishing in 2:13 my first time and 1:57 last year.  This year will be different - I'll be doing more than just challenging myself to get across the finish line, and getting ready for that should be good for a pound or an inch (or two)!

Living a Lie

So last night I was getting ready to head out to the gym for a little walk-run treadmill action - cause I'm one of those people who works out regularly - and I caught sight of my profile in the mirror.  I was stunned by how small my chesticular region looked.  At first I thought my boobs had just been compressed by my new sports bra, but then I realized they really ARE that small!  I guess the weight's been coming off all over because I've become quite petite along the bustline, and hadn't really noticed, until last night, that is, that I've been walking around for months now decieving everyone with my miles-too-big bra.  Not much in there but air and foam - like smoke and mirrors only not so gothic.  I only wish that one day I could have the same revelation with a pair of underpants - "Oh goodness, all this time it was just the puffy panties making me look fat!"

Anyway, I'm sorry everyone, that I've tricked you into thinking I had such a great rack.
(And by the way, I ran for ten two-minute intervals without dying - I am making progress!  The right shoes - Asics Gel Kayanos rock! - and a good sports bra really help, although if I keep this up I may not even need to wear a bra for much longer.)